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Please Let Go Of The Victim Role

1/17/2018

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In my experience there is nothing in this life that is outside both the realm of acceptance and changeability. Most everyone knows the serenity prayer these days.


“God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.”

Nowhere in there does it request the support to accept the unacceptable, yet I see rampant acts of just that in the USA & internationally. Let me follow the above statement by referring readers to the wisdom portion of the prayer. We need to know what we can change. I feel these days that many, if not most, people have kowtowed to the archetype of the victim and accepted this role within their soul. As a victim they tell themselves that they cannot change anything and that they must accept the unacceptable.
I on the contrary, having played the victim role as a means of survival for many years, came to realize that the victim roles can outrun its course and cause me a daily small death.Having experienced this first hand, I do not believe that playing the victim is the wise option. I believe that developmentally typical adults are always capable of either changing or accepting any given situation.
By all means, if someone is sincerely being victimized on a daily basis and has no means to accept or change their situation (ie. children, developmentally disabled adults, underprivileged, marginalized. The list goes on and if you are wise you know where it ends.) I  am fully in support of them comforting themselves and coping by internalizing the victim archetype. However to those of you who have the means by which to practice acceptance or change and the wisdom to know which practice is appropriate when, but still play the victim, you infuriate me.
For me, a former victim, there is nothing more infuriating than watching someone, anyone really, but more so someone I love, play the lesser role out of laziness, attachment to things or false identities, or due to complete faithless abandon. In doing such I feel individuals are doing the entire human race a disservice. I believe each person has a gift that they are meant to share with the world. I feel this gift will never be able to be expressed in its fullest form when the bearer of it arrives wearing the victim costume.

I don’t know about you, but I would not willfully receive any gift being offered to me by the character that I see within me when I drum up an image of my inner victim.

People are fully capable of manifesting their gifts products from within the realm of victimhood, oh I know this all to well. I wrote many a poem while shrouded in my cloak of victimhood. About four years ago I removed those poems from my streams because I realized that all I was delivering to my audience in those pieces was sludge covered muck that could only feed their inner victim. This is true because that is where I lived at the time that I created my work; in my victimhood. We can only give of what we know.
    I know an artist who is well acquainted with their victim and although someone who has really identified with their victim is never entirely rid of it in my opinion, this artist’s work is like a literal ray of light that slaps my heart and screams “Live!”. This is true art, a true gift being shared and far more beneficial to this world than the various pitty ridden dump diving, woes of outdated victimhood.
    You may be wondering how this artist I speak of manages to live amid their victim but not identify with it. I couldn’t tell you because I am not this artist. However, I know that for me acceptance of the pain that I had been quelling with my victimhood allowed me to set my victim role aside and embody my empowered self when I so chose.
To this day my victim still manages to take a joyride in my being when I allow myself to engage in environments, circumstances, and relationships that remind her of the times when I truly needed to be a victim to survive. No longer however does my inner victim want to dash my dreams, nor do I allow her to, because I chose to feel the things that she helped me not to feel when I wasn’t yet ready to feel them. After feeling those difficult sensations and emotions I didn’t need her to run the show anymore because I had it under control and I started taking care of myself in healthy ways.
    Conclusively what I am hoping to share with you in writing this piece, is that I find it unacceptable to choose victimhood when one has the means to choose change or acceptance. Not only that but I beg of you to seek guidance from a source you trust on exactly what is acceptable and what is unacceptable.

In my experience this determining the difference between the acceptable and the unacceptable is the most difficult part of retiring one’s victim. All I had in the beginning of recovery from domestic violence, sexual assault, addiction, and post traumatic stress disorder was my victim perspective of acceptable and unacceptable. I am still developing a healthy individuated sense of these things, individuated being used loosely as all moral code is merely an elaboration on the wisdom of ancestors. That being said, I know I must effort to learn what is truly in alignment with my body and my mind, because if I only use what was offered to me by my early dysfunctional environment, I will never truly live as I see fit.

Thus far the role models I have chosen to learn
various versions of acceptable and unacceptable
from are

Swami Kripalu
Eckhart Tolle
Krishna
Buddha
Pema Chodron
The Faeries' Oracle by Brian Froud & Jessica Macbeth

The monks of Pine Mountain Village Buddhist Temple/ Order of Buddhist Contemplatives
       Rev. Sandy Jabo & Rev. Melanie Jabul/ Open Door Sitting Group/Five Mountain Zen Order
The ministers of the Won Dharma Center in Claverak New York
The many wise healers at The Kripalu Center for Yoga and Health (Shoutout to Jennifer Reis, Micah Mortali, Aruni Nan Futuransky, and Edi Pasalis )
Many professional therapists including the angels of The Bridge to Recovery
Tommy Rosen and the Recovery 2.0 community
Melody Beattie author of Codependent No More
Khalil Gibran author of The Prophet
Jacquelyn Small author of Psyche’s Seeds
Anodea Judith author of The Sevenfold Journey
Clarissa Pinkola Estes author of The Women Who Run With The Wolves
Sandra Cisneros author of Woman Hollering Creek
Mark Wolynn Director of The Family Constellation Institute in San Francisco California
Lion Goodman creator of The Belief Closet exercise
And literally most importantly Bill W and my 12 step recovery home group

Please feel free to message me directly @ infinitelyceldt@gmail.com to ask anything about any of these particular teachers and please comment below or direct message me to tell me who you have sought guidance from thus far in order to
bolster your knowledge of the acceptable and unacceptable.
I know I have more to learn and it will benefit me to know what teachers have taught you.

Jai Bahgwan,
Beth F


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My Role

6/27/2017

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Recording of Me Improvising This Song & Strumming
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My Role

All I want to do
Is give my love to you
All of this sensation
Builds up in my head
And that's why I cannot sleep
When I lay down in my bed

All I want to do
Is give my love to you
All of this sensation
Builds up in my head
And that's why I cannot sleep
When I lay down in my bed

All I want to do
Is give my love to you
All of this sensation
Builds up in my head
And that's why I cannot sleep
When I lay down in my bed

God said
Little Beth
I’m gonna show you
Life and death
I’m gonna let you
Travel down to hell
So you know the darkness
Oh so very well
When you’ve seen this place
You can see it on a face
And that is a gift
That very few will receive
I give this gift to you
Because you are so very close to me
I need you to see
When the devil resides behind ones eyes
So you can help them remove this disguise


No one should look in the mirror
And see something other than their heart
No one should be abandoned, neglected, abused, or torn apart
No one should look in the mirror and see anything but their heart
That’s why I let you be abandoned, and abused, and torn apart
This is an art

You are a healer
Your medium is seeing
Perceptive meditation
That is what your breeding

You don’t have to give yourself
To help somebody else
You only have to give me
That is the sacred seed

All I want to do
Is give my love to you
All of this sensation
Builds up in my head
And that is why I cannot sleep
When I lay down in my bed

God Said
I will show you darkness
I will guide your hands
I will open your eyes
To help us make amends

It is not your job
To take others inventories
It is only your journey
To help them tell their stories
It is not your job to take others inventories
It is only your journey to help them tell their stories

All of this love
Is pouring from my heart
And when it has no use
It tares me all apart

All of this love
Is pouring from my heart
And when it has no use
It tares me all apart

Oh sweet resurrection
God of the divine
Take my heart and explode it
All in your due time
Give me a medium
Through which I can guide the tales
Of others resurrection
Of others wins and fails

Give me a medium
Through which I can serve my kin
Give me a medium
Through which we can together shed this sin

All of this love
Is pouring from my heart
It tares me all apart
Like I felt in childhood
But in a new way
God has resurrected
All my gentle pain
So that I can serve you
Be your guiding hand
I am here to listen
I am here to mend

-Beth F


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life encapsulated

6/13/2017

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There is this ever present pulsing of wild energy that is the human condition. We are all endlessly grasping and groping at our mission. They tell us to stop and listen. But there is no thing to be heard. Trying to comprehend the interdimensional power of the absurd, beyond space, time, and word? That’s futile. There is a sensing that takes place, in this space. This sensing cannot be defined. As above, so below, as in front, so behind; as within remains undefined.
 
I child sits on a rock beside a stream, an old man tinkers beside him with tiny yet to be defined things. This child wonders what is in that old man’s hands and although he does not yet have words to ask he understands. Because both the elderly and the freshly conceived harbor an innocence beyond language, logic, and tangible things. The child by route lives from this place, the elder does such as a result of an ardent dedication to the acceptance of losing face.
 
We fuck up, we stumble. We hurt ourselves and others along the way. This is the nature of the dance and it’s all ok. In all of our anger, hatred, fear, and greed, our lust for power, and our misguided need, we breed. We breed the seed of what we truly have been, are, and will continue to be, free.
 
Yes it has been said one million and a half times but this time maybe you will hear it differently like you hear the wind chimes chime. Listen like the child beside the stream, do like the elder with tiny things. All of these archetypes have, do, and will continue to exist in your psyche, along with the warrior, the mother, and Aphrodite.
 
A thousand poets, lovers, teachers, scholars, and holy people alike have taken upon themselves a singular hike. The mountain of our soul is grandiose and feral, don’t waste your time on efforts to keep it sterile. Do you think the hands and feet of the child and the elder beside the water are free of foder? That which seems in endless supply, that which sticks to our feet and makes some feel dirty, can also feed a herd and make a house sturdy.
 
Emotions should be felt, yes, there is no way to avoid them, in fact they might just be the only way back into the wisdom that bred them. Three parts of om, creation, sustaining, and destruction, might just be the items with which the old man fumbles, but we will never know unless we let our maiden self be humbled. Revel in your failure to reap its harvest. But don’t spend to long there! Believe me I know this!
 
Drink the sweet nectar of your painful sorrowful remorse and then shove off and love of course!
 
There is nothing so beautiful as pain on a face, for joy is a given and turmoil a choice. We must effort to till the soil of our own precious garden and without courage many an angel has fallen far beyond where life truly lies. Don’t be this angel, open your eyes. See beyond seeing, feel beyond touch, hear beyond vibration, smell beyond scent, taste beyond flavor. Be both the wordless child and the elder savior.
 
-Beth F

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Onmoraki

5/25/2017

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Art by Gojin Ishihara
A wise mother came to me today and connected me to a spirit animal. After that, this stream of consciousness flew out of me. Aho!
 
In an ancient space there are walls that cannot be defined by the confines of time. Here all words rhyme, although unspoken. Life is a soliloquy of moments strung together like orbs bonded by webs. There is no place like home. We can surrender every moment to this knowing , this eternal encampment for all that is. It is rare to go here past the time when we are kids. After we have been told that we are his, hers, theirs, shallow, vein and bent on success, but in the orbital web none of this is left. We are striped of our flesh without loosing our humanity. We come to understand the true meaning of things such as vanity and sanity. Here Katun rules, sets the rules and we trust, because we truly know we are nothing but dust collected in the lungs of life eternal. When we come here we deeply learn the meaning of the word maternal.
 
Vernal saints rise in the trees and true pilgrims fall to their knees. The song of the Mother is on the breeze. Please take these. These gifs of knowing that prove you’re empty and awake and God’s fool.
 
We are all the jester of the night raid. We have no clue but we engage in the charade. Would we join the barricade if we were wise for our age? What is better rape or rage? Saint or sage?
 
-Beth F

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Ecstatic Dance is Everything

5/6/2017

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Art by Kate Bradley "Dancing Women"
Click the button below to join me on a stream of consciousness journey through my latest ecstatic dance experience. And sign up to be a part of the game at paradigmshiftcentral.com while your their reading my journey log :) 
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Journey Log
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What does it mean to be whole

4/17/2017

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Hello Angels of The Let Down my intention as I enter this space of creative resonance is to allow the divine essence to percolate from the sacred centers within me and pour out my fingertips in just the right rhythm so that their dance on the keyboard might titillate your cognitive senses with wisdom ripe with love.

I find it useful to start such an endeavor with a righteous inquiry into depth concepts and today's question of the hour is what does it mean to be whole?

Every living thing, human and alike, is a galaxy of divine complexity and there is no way to understand the depth of another's wholeness. In fact I find it quite difficult to grasp my own sense of the complete within myself quite often.  

As a reiki healer I am attuned to the balances within others chakra systems, I can feel needs and wants and I can divine messages that might guide one toward a sense of balance. I can do this with myself as well by tuning into my body.

Sidenote … as I look out the window right now I just spotted this radiant little yellow bird in the pine tree and as I tune into what he has to say it is quite clear that all he wants is the sunshine. He is bringing spring into being by sharing with me the radiance of his breast.

This is an interesting notion that I recently contemplated first by myself and then later in conversation with a Shaman friend of mine. As I sat on my patio days before our conversation, I watched a man who seemed to be struggling with dementia walk along my street. A hawk flew steadily above him following his path. I knew inside myself that this hawk was protecting him. Guiding his way. I saw very clearly the connection between the two beings and how their lives intertwined in that moment so to tell the story that the divine sought to perceive.

So here I am listening to this little yellow bird now and realizing that he just gave us the answer today’s question. What does it mean to be whole? Well a little bird told me, it means to answer the call in the moment, telling your story so brilliantly that you can effortlessly walk in unity with your fellow beings.

Today and every day I pray that each and every sentient being comes closer to this wisdom of wholeness, this knowledge that to be whole is to be alive in your individuality so brilliantly that you inevitably serve your purpose within the whole.

Aho!

Beth F
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The power of lion goodman's belief closet excercise

3/20/2017

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Click the button to be directed to my latest facebook live video in which I outline Lion Goodman's powerful Belief Closet Exercise which has significantly impacted my life and helped me deal with PTSD and depression. PLEASE reach out to me if you would like support in utilizing this process. I am happy to be of service in person or via Skype

Much Love
​Beth 
Facebook Live Video
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Attention ASCENSION Angels

3/12/2017

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OK Light Beings my latest quest journal at Paradigmshiftcentral.com is TRULY one you don't want to miss. I had a SERIOUS full moon dream-time download last night that is FULL of POWERFUL insights. Check it out by clicking the button below and join the shift community while you are at pargadigmshiftcentral!
Triangulation Method and The Siren Sister Sect
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Logic (Human INference) Vs. Intuition

3/1/2017

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Image courtesy of Don John Street Art photo is linked to the site
,Once I strip away the biological baggage and confines of trauma through high vibational living practices that organically heal me and allow me to see what is the trauma body and what is the soul body I can very clearly follow my intuition because it lives in my soul body and springs forth from there. 

I have ALWAYS been opposed to logic being the grounds for decision making because thoughts and beliefs are not reliable. The soul body "believes" nothing and does not have "thoughts". It is wisdom incarnate and guides decisions like a compass. God is to the intuition as north is to a compass. 

                                  -GOD IS TO INTUITION AS NORTH IS TO A COMPASS-

I do not want my thoughts and beliefs to direct my decision making because they are only a product of samsara. They are not a cause, they are an effect. 

                                  - MY THOUGHTS AND BELIEFS ARE AN EFFECT NOT A CAUSE-

I do have free will to live in alignment with the cause or the effect and my intuition tells me living in alignment with the cause brings all life back to the cause and thus serves and is the cause at the same time.

This is Lila, the divine
play of source.

I can choose to follow logic along the paths of this dream or I can choose to be directed by the compass of my intuition which always leads me to love.

Love is the eternal 
cause and source.

I do not say that following the intuitive compass will always feel delightful to the senses, but a mind and soul in alignment with source will know all is OK.

Sometimes love must speak to us in harsh unforgiving and unpleasant ways . Sometimes that is the only way in which we can hear. This is not our fault, it is just the way in which love is manifesting through our human form in any given moment.

I have big decisions to make. I need to evaluate circumstances so I can correctly move in the direction of my highest destiny but I will not let thoughts and beliefs dancing through logic guide me.

I chose to follow
my intuition which
points to
love in the highest.
I choose to trust
My animal instinct.
The wolf within,
Whose ears are
keen and heart is
wise. I can
Trust that I am
Capable of knowing my
Inner wolf today
Because I let my
Pain and confusion be stripped
Away by the
Embodied practice of ascension.

-Beth F


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Facebook Live Video On This Topic
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A recollection of love inspired by Jeanette Winterson's "Written on the body"

2/27/2017

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Early on in this shared life that we returned to after many hard days we spent apart, we woke before the sun did. I felt my way across the landscape of your body via the vehicle of my hands, fingertips, pads, palms. Every curve, dip, hair, bone under flesh was like a textbook of feeling. Your body is a textbook on how I am to live this life with love. I am just as enamored with this essential notion that you contain in the story of your body as I am with the dancing of prana that it elicits in all my sense receptors upon connecting with you.

We laid there touching, tasting, holding and slowly as she rose above us I began to be able to see the deep nourishing wells of grace that you so honorably allow to form and flow over from your eyes.

I've never watched the sun rise this way before. Under sheets and blankets through windows above our bodies. I love you, I love her, I love how we all feed, nourish, and support each other.

Your flesh so milky white, your eyes so deep brown like the bark in the woods that my fairy heart was birthed in. Your hair soft like cotton just birthed from stem. I love the space between your heart and your solarplexus where your bones cave in and form a little crevice in which I can burrow my face. My nose fits right in the hole. I can hear your heart well where. I can hear her singing to me of home. Budump...budump....budmp.

The sun is up now and it's time for things to get hot.

The flash of serpents heads 
as double helix forms
we climb each other
and collide
we rise.

-Beth F

Live reading of this piece on Facebook 
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    I share these deep thoughts in the hopes that they elicit insight, healing, and a love within you.

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