The body naturally protects itself from anything it can not handle and heals all wounds over time. It is much more detrimental to the human spirit to silence the pain as it is happening than it is to feel it and engage in it. Fear tells us that we can’t handle it , but we can. Fear is pains’ greatest accomplice and together they thrive on sucking the nectar of our souls. When we allow ourselves to be present and embodied amidst great pain and suffering we claim the right to our life. We fracture and splinter the network of pain and fear until it shatters before us.
For those of us who were not allowed to witness pain it is much harder to experience it’s wave after the fact. For those of us who were victims of domestic violence we struggle deeply with what pain really is and whether or not we can, or feel worthy of, feeling it. As numb people we, instead of fear or pain, are fractured or splintered. Our joys and sorrows both fall in the cracks and we must work restlessly to experience them. When we are well guided and strong enough we can lay witness to our joys and sorrows, but we still feel a sense of detachment from them. This feeling can cross over into our personal and working relationships.
“How do I feel anything when I was forced to not feel the most activating of emotions over and over again?”
“If I can nub myself to the human beings most innate pain response must I than stay in this latent state of being?”
“Do I avoid things that are activating whether good or bad because I had to choose deactivation always in the past?”
“Do I deactivate right before I have a chance to be activated because I don’t know how to live through a ‘non-numb’ experience?”
“If I am ever really activated what does it look like? Feel like? Smell or sound like?”
“How can I feel when birth until now I have had no choice but to be numb?”
I have to face the fear and the pain. I have to cut whatever straw the fear and pain are using to sip my amrita.
My anxiety, My PTSD, My Depression, and my ungroundedness say
“Feel us! Fear us! Hear us!”
I have to feel what
I couldn’t then
Because I am strong enough now