Be

I need a high to survive
because
I always feel like I'm 
Dying
If you really listen close
Enough
You'll hear my inner child crying
I'm tired of hiding

Hiding from the shame
From the alcoholic
The insane 

​These are all inside of me

I just want to be alone
Free from those soul suckers
Taking up resideince
Inside of me
I want to go home

​To my heart
Where They aren't

I want he Shaman
To remove these
Recordings from me
I want to be set free

Free from the chains
Of the karmic pains
That have brought my people
Down to barren lifeless plains

The psychologists
They want me to accept
This route
They want me to grieve
The loss of all I've lost and Everything 
I've never had

The thought that I'll
Never have it
Gets me raging mad

Doesn't everyone deserve
A loving dad?

It's not that bad
It's not that bad
It's not tht bad
I'm totally used to being sad

The Mantras
I've spoken
Over the deluded years
Are like pokeballs for 
All my fears

They store the damage inside 
Of my flesh
Like magotts they eat 
My hope until 
There's nothing left

This is what you want
Me to accept?

I'm not sure you've got this right
Mr. psychology
Acceptance of the awful
Doesn't prove to be an appealing
Methodology

I want to believe that I
Can return to the light
That I can take flight
AND
Still serve here on the ground

There's a reason I refer
To my followers as the angels
Of the let down

I am an angel
I have always been
And I will remain
To be

And I want to shed
This shit storm that's been
Clinging to me

I'm not ready to give up
Yet on being set
Free

I CAN BE

​-Beth F

Life is but a serenade
All this
Lessons & blessings
I am 
A teacher
A warrior
Brave
I close my eyes
And all the "commitments" fade
Stop
Listen
And you will see what you've been missin'
We created this division

You see that gauge 
In the flesh of the earth?
You've been diggin' up
A false sense of worth

I'm speaking of a true birth

The kid that is more than
A mirror
It doesn't come from between
Knees
Unless you see legs
When you look at trees

Mama Aya
She's been calling to me
Asking me to settle down
And in
So I can be shown
The moan
That comes before the unknown
And the cry of life
That follows first breath

My depth lies much deeper
Than flesh
My heart is lavender
In a forest chest.

-Beth F

​

Blend the black and white to
create the grey

This is all I want to do today, this day

            Every single moment 
            Every Single Way

There's a paradigm
                      A spectrum

        I tilt left and right
                     A therapist 
                             Once held a ruler
                     up to my face
      
​        This is your mom
                 this is your dad

               Black & white
                            are sorta bad
          
            It's OK to be sad
                     That's what Jeanne said
                     And Mauricio

                                    And everyone else in
                                       the church

                    Who was also crying
                                     themselves to sleep
                                                     at night
                    Just suffering together
                               was enough to help
                                  us to feel
                                       held together tight

                     Shaking in my skin like
                        I'm 15 again
 
                              It's me, it's us,
                              It's him

                           Why the fuck do I 
                                  have to live this
                                        reality over and over
                                                   again?

                        I'm not a flower in
                              the attic
                     
                        I'm not the replacement 
                          drug for the fucking
                         addict

                       I'm not your mother Mary,
                           your divine savior

                                  or a pretty face
 
                           I refuse to run in
                               This 100 meter race

                          This is a prayer right
                               now to everything that
                                  is sacred in this
                                  place
                                  please
                           Take away this pain
                                  Save me from the insane
                                          let Isabelle Rain

                                                                                         -Beth F

Some new improvisational shiz is on zee youtube for your listening pleasure. Enjoy, laugh, & live.

​MUAH! 

Sitting here with head exploding due to the impending doom, we can curl up in a ball but the evil will still loom. I feel it in my head, in my nerves. The unrest of the nation, it's right here, under my flesh. I can't rest. I am an animal on which something is running a test. I wonder if I am a control; is there anything to control? I know we are all whole. I am ever grateful that today we get to take our first steps as a family walking into a new life. The whole damn world might be laden with fear, anger, and delusion but I am blessed to see through the illusion. I see to the divine synchronicity crossing the borders of body and geography. I am glad my ears can hear the symphony. The symphony of messages transmitted through all mediums.
​ I promise I will shift the idioms.

Hold on to nothing.
          There is nothing of which 
                      to let go.

We will stop 
quoting sages,

when we come to know,

our alchemy is
stardust

floating in orbs,

our being is moments

between the chords.

-Beth F

For one month in 2014 I wrote a poem every morning after reading the work a literary leader I admired and meditating. Most poems were direct transmissions from the divine. This is one of them.

Come To My Arms 4-3-14

Surrender
Self-less lover
Over to me
All that you ask for
All that you can, could, want to be

I am your shepherd
You shall not want
I will honor thy holy motives
As long as you present them to me
When you are alive you set me free

Come to me loved one
As you should have been able to
Approach your parents
My lap is warm
And so absorbent of tears

Shed light on that which hides
By recognizing and letting go
So that I may glow
Through your temples
And through your cheeks

Your lips are like glass
Temperature aware
With my kiss upon them
I recommend you share.

-Beth F