​Try Try Again

I love you so much that it breaks my heart
It brings me to that place
Where I fear 
Being torn apart
It elicits grasping
This place where 
I imagine
I have to tell you repeatedly
How much you mean to me
So that you can clearly see
You should never leave me




I have a child inside of my side
She spent a long time trying to hide
For fear of being used up
And left out to dry
Like a cows hide
Stripped from its life


This child's body, mind, and soul
Were everyone else's 
She was never allowed to be whole
Because they'd infiltrated her
Made the two one
And than raped her of
That unity
By walking away
"Letting her be"


She never wanted to be
Be alone
Because all that was left
When they walked away
Was a closet empty
On a winter day


Everyone took their coats and hats
What was her purpose
If it wasn't to hold that


Hold the things that protected
Everyone else
The ugly
The angry
The empty shells


Here I sit
With this kid
She's no longer for storage
We've found a lid
To contain ourselves
And keep out others shit


But then you came
Like a wave of pain
The kind elicited by sutures
When closing a wound


You saw the places we had yet to seal
You asked us to heal
Just a little more
And we inevitably had to open the door
Because we can't stop something that's beyond our mind
This love that we have 
Transcends space and time


So she and I
We sit here asking
What the fuck do we do
With this thread in our skin
That's holding us together
Keeping us in


We're not used to it
This allowing ourselves
To love
And be loved
Because we're no longer 
A storage bin
We don't feel safe letting stuff in


We're terrified that you will leave
And the seams will begin to bleed
And we won't have healed
Quite enough
To feel super tough
If you break it off


Don't leave me
She cries 
As someone breaks her heart
She's used to loving the feeling
Of being torn apart


She's scared she'll create it
Or that she's not good enough
To keep you around
She's scared you'll leave her empty
On the ground


So many others have walked away after bonding with her
In a special way


Letting you in
Is her greatest fear
Because she believes if avoided
She can keep you near
Near enough to be had
Without getting hurt


In my left side lower belly
This creature lurks
Terribly traumatized 
And horribly scared
All she wants is your love 
Your elven ears


She wants to go home
And never be left alone
When she needs you


She needs both you and me
I alone am not enough
No matter what the philosophers say
I know that there is one single way
To accept this truth


I am whole and divine
But not without you


Give me
Your love
And terrify my child
She will grow from this 
And if this is truly wild
It will last
I leave the fear of the unknown in the past


I accept that I need you
I accept that you could leave me
And if you do 
I'll know it wasn't you
I was meant to ascend with
And I will accept that truth
No matter how painful it may be


I have faith that the cosmos 
Will carry me
If ever again I am left by myself
Without a love or a home
A light
Or a shelf

-Beth F

(Let it be known that they left me alone before I left them forever and I survived)
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Much Love!
​Beth F

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Love, Light & Pixie Dust

Beth F

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Persephone

Persephone wore her feet well
right before she went to hell
a vision of love
her cheek a blush

She trod among the grass and brush
a bouquet of daisies held to 
her bust

How could she have known
of the impending test
a mother too far
to protect her soul

Her eyes are now glazed
with soot and coal

Yet merry her heart
and soft her hands
as she seasonally rises
to rebirth the lands

A capture
a torture
a childhood 
torn from her

She still manages 
to till the soil
blessing the blossoms 
in effortless toil

A blip of a moment
she shares with 
her mom

Then down to the fires
where she believes
she belongs

If the Wolf Mother
could grab her
by the ears and bark

She would know that
there is more to life
than the dark

She might bring the spring
but she has conceded to
love
that which
raped her of the soul
of a dove

For her to choose a life
of submission
is in itself 
a heavyhearted lesson

Admire her not
accept her if you must
but refuse
her life
of 
death and dust

​-Beth F

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